


My Everything

by Chimshope



Series: A Couple of Sad Songs [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: He just messed up, M/M, Mentioned Malum, Now Ashton is gone, Sad Luke, Slight Smut, not a cheating fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-03-07 05:14:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13427547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimshope/pseuds/Chimshope
Summary: Ashton is gone and Luke is hurting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ANYWAYS, I got this idea last night when I was in the shower, listening to music and then My Everything by Ariana Grande came on and BOOM this came too mind. It was originally supposed to be a Larry fic but I decided to try a Lashton one instead because why not, ya know? 
> 
> This story will be kind of based of the song. basically Luke and Ashton's relationship goes bad and Ashton leaves Luke and Luke gets depressed because Ash is gone and he stills loves him very much

"I cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them

And then it was clear

I can't deny, I really miss him"

He finally did it. He actually managed to screw up the one thing that made him happy in this world. Luke made the one person he actually loved, the one person who really loved him, walk out of his life. For good this this time.

He didn't cheat, he could never do that to Ashton. But he just didn't show Ashton how much he actually loved and needed him, probably because he didn't even know it himself. But Ashton knew he loved Luke and he was sure to remind Luke everyday. They've been together for about three years and they were happy most of the time but then Luke changed. He barely even acknowledged Ashton, most nights he would just stay out partying with his friends. He would come home early in the morning and he'd kiss Ashton, but wouldn't explain where he was all night. 

After a while Ashton got used to it, no matter how much it hurt him.  He hated sleeping alone in a cold, empty bed. He hated staying up late in hopes of Luke actually coming home early and hold him like he used to. He missed the nights that they would spend talking for hours. He missed the way he and Luke used to make love and how afterwards Luke used to hold him and whisper beautiful words in his ear. He missed the way Luke sung to him in the mornings and tell him how beautiful he looked. He missed the old Luke.

So Ashton waited and waited until he just couldn't wait anymore. He grew tired of hoping Luke would change. He tried talking to him but every time he did they would end up arguing and then Luke leaves while Ashton sits alone, crying. But not anymore, he's gone now and there's nothing Luke could do about it. 

So he sits there alone, crying and he hates it. He hates how the house feels so empty without Ashton being there. He hates that he didn't listen to Ashton. He hates himself for losing the one person he truly loved. It's all his fault and it's too late to change it now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The text between the asterisks (*) will be flashbacks

"To think that I was wrong  
I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone  
Pain is just a consequence of love  
I'm sayin' sorry for the sake of us" 

He's lying on his couch, where he has been ever since Ashton left. Only getting up to get another beer and use the bathroom. It's been a week, a whole week since the love of his life walked out and he's been trying to drink the pain away. But it doesn't help, it just makes him remember him. It brings back memories of when him and Ashton were together and happy.

**

It was a cold, rainy evening. Him and Ashton decided to stay in watching movies and ordering take out. They were cuddled together on the couch and Ashton squirmed uncomfortably for what seemed the thousandth time. 

"Why did we decide to watch this," Ashton says, his voice barely audible because his face was buried into Luke's chest. They were watching Annabelle.

"Come on babe, it's not that scary,"  Luke says and chuckled, but stills holds Ashton closer to him, "You're the one who wanted to watch it."

"I'm really regretting that now," Ashton whines and, reluctantly, moves away from Luke so he can hear him clearly, " Can we watch something else?"

Luke stares at Ashton fondly and leans down to plant a kiss on his lover's lips. "Anything you want," he says and then kisses him once again.

**

They had so many great moments on this couch, in this house, before it got bad. Before Luke started drinking and staying out all night. It's nobody's fault but his own. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd and left his real friends who cared about him because he thought they were trying to baby him and keep him from having fun. He should have listened, maybe he would still have those friend. Maybe he would still have Ashton.

He remembers when they all got together and actually tried to help him. He yelled at them and wouldn't even listen. He drove them away.

**

He was coming home from an epic party. Drunk and high which was a bad combination. He walks in the front door, not expecting to see his two best friends, Calum and Michael, soothing a sobbing Ashton.

"What's going on here," He says, his words slightly slurred. They all jumped and looked in the direction Luke was standing. Suddenly Calum stands up and charges towards Luke but Michael grabs him just in time to hold him back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," yells Calum as he tries, and fails, to to get out of Michael's grip. "How could you just leave him here like this. You were gone for hours, Luke, hours!"

Luke was cofused, he didn't get why it was such a big deal. Ashton's a big boy he can take care of himself, Luke just wanted to have some fun. "You guys are really blowing my high right now," he says rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"You're doing drugs now?" Ashton asks quietly. Luke turns to him slowly, shrugs then looks back at Calum and Michael. Calum has calmed down some but he's still not done with Luke.

Calum closes his eyes and takes a breath trying to stop himself from running after Luke again."Luke, what is wrong with you man, what happened to you?" He asks, truly confused because Luke was never like this before, he changed and he just wants to know why.

For the first time since Luke walks in the house, Michael speaks up, "Luke, how could you do this to Ashton, how could you do this to yourself?" 

Luke groans loudly and decides to walk away into the kitchen and grab a water bottle. He doesn't want to answer all these questions. He just wanted to have fun like any other young guy would. At the time sitting at home and watching sappy romance movies with Ashton just didn't seem fun to him. "Look, I just went out for a drink with my friends, no big deal,"  he says after taking a big gulp of water. "Ashton understands, don't you babe?"

Ashton turns towards him, tears in his eyes, "I was worried sick Luke, you just left without saying where you were going and you didn't even bother to call to say you were alright. How am I suppose to understand that Luke?"  Michael comes to sit next to Ashton again as he continues to cry. "And then you do come home smelling like you drank a whole bar and saying you're high, what did you even take?"

Luke rolls his eyes, "It was just weed Ash, no big deal," he says, growing tired of this whole conversation. "You know, I thought you would be on side, stop treating me like a child." As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he was pushed up against he wall by Calum, who was staring at him with dark eyes. Michael and Ashton got up to stop him but he just stepped away from Luke, still glaring at him. Luke stared back at him, surprised.

"Stop acting like a child Luke, Ashton was worried about you, he was crying and calling you and then he finds out you were getting drunk with your so called friends," Calum shouts angrily at Luke. "You need to stop being so inconsiderate and see that he's hurting!" 

Luke groaned, "He's fine! I'm here now and I'm safe so just back off and leave me the fuck alone," he yells, getting angry now. "You know what? Fuck you guys, I just wanted to go out and have some fun but I can't even do that without getting shit for it. You guys are supposed to be my best friends and you're doing nothing but acting like àssholes. Get out of my house." he yells and pushes Calum and runs upstairs to his and Ashton's bedroom. 

**

That was about a year ago, he hasn't spoken to Michael or Calum since then. They would come around, but only to check up on Ashton. Some nights he would come home and find Ashton gone and there would be a note saying he went to stay with them for a few days. Even then, he would shrug it off as if it was no big deal to him. He misses them terribly but he was so horrible to them. He doesn't blame them for hating him. He hates himself for what he did. But it's too late to take it back now


	3. Chapter 3

 "Cause it's too much to bear  
Without you and I know sorry ain't the cure  
If I cross your mind just know I'm yours  
'Cause what we got is worth fighting for" 

 

Three weeks pass and Luke isn't much better. How could he be? The love of his life just up and left because of his selfishness. He has no one. Not one friend to talk to. He tried to talk to the guys he parties with but they didn't really care. He should have known, his real friends were right about everything.

Luke stands up from the couch, his bones cracking because of the amount of time he sat there without moving. He takes a hot shower, washing away the dirt and bitter smell of beer. Once he gets out he takes a long look at himself in the mirror. He skin is paler, his eyes are dull and lifeless, & lips cracked. He looks a mess, feels even worse.

He decides then that he needs to do something, something important. He goes in his room and searches for his phones, one he finds it he dials the once number thay now feels so foreign to him.

\--

Calum and Luke were friends since the sixth grade, they grew up together basically. Calum has been there for the important things, Luke's first kiss, him coming out, and his first date with Ashton. 

**  
It was their Senior year in high school when Luke asks Ashton out. He was sweating bullets but Ashton agreed happily. The night of their date Luke called Calum over, shaking with nervousness.

"Oh god, what if he doesn't like my shirt? Do I smell? My breath, check my breath." Luke paces the room and Calum stares, trying not to laugh at his idiotic best friend.

"Mate, you gotta calm down," Calum said, amusement in his voice, "Seriously dude, it's just a date, you've been on plenty of those."

"Yeah, yeah but this is a date with Ashton," Luke stresses, fixing the collar of his shirt for this tenth time, "I really like him, what if I mess this up?"

"You cant mess it up. Ashton likes you too, otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to go out with you," Calum says with a gentle voice, "You're gonna be great, you're a great guy Luke. Ashton's gonna love you."

Lukes smiles greatfully and relaxes. Happiness replaces fear and he rushes to get his keys and is out the door with a "Thanks Cal, wish me luck!"

**

They have so many good memories together. Luke couldn't continue to let that night, and all the other stupid shit he did, get in between years of a great friendship. So Luke called Calum, he called him and asked him to come over to talk and Calum agreed. Now Calum is at his house, guard up, and asking him to talk.

Luke clears his throat awkwardly, "I know you heard about what happened with me and Ashton," Calum scoffs at this and Luke flinches but continues, "But I called you because I fucked up. I fucked up, I know I did and I want to apologize. I've been a shitty friend and an even shittier person. But despite that, I know how much I need you in my life, especially now. You're my best friend Cal, and right now I have no one and I need you. So please, please forgive me." Luke finishes, staring at Calum with pleading eyes.

Calum doesn't say anything for a while, he just scans the room. He finally looks at Luke, face blank and he says, "Your place is a dump," and walks to the kitchen, Luke staring at him in confusion. Calum walks back to him and Luke sees that he has two trashbags in his hand, he hands one to Luke, "Well? Come on, let's clean this mess up." He walks away and starts picking up empty beer bottles from the ground.

The cleaning lasts three hours, those three hours were spent in complete silence. When they were finished, Luke couldn't help but notice that he felt better, like a little bit of stress was lifted. He looks at Calum with greatfulness in his eyes. Calum stared back with understanding.

After that, they talked for what felt like, and what was actually, hours. Calum tells him he got a big promotion at his job and was able to find a bigger place for him and Michael, they live fifteen minutes away. He says Michael went back to college to study Computer Engineering. He talks about how he's happy, they're happy. Luke is proud of them, so proud of them, but he still can't help it when tears start to form in his eyes.

Calum looks at him in concern, "Luke? Luke, hey, what's wrong?" He gets closer and starts to rub Luke's back gently. Luke cries harder.

"I- I just messed up so bad. With you guys a-and with Ashton. I don't deserve any of you, I'm a shitty person. I messed up everything." He says through his sobs. Calum frowns in confusion but holds Luke closer and rubs his back.

"Wait, I thought- I thought you didn't love Ashton anymore. I thought... I thought you were cheating on him." Calum says carefully. But Luke snaps up quick and stares at Calum incredulously.

"I would never do that! I would never hurt Ashton that way. Yeah sure I was an asshole, a big one. But I loved him, I still love him. I could never cheat on Ashton because- he's... well, he was the only one I wanted," Luke says and the sobs come back at full force, "Is that what he thinks? He thinks I cheated on him? That I didn't love him, that I don't love him?"

Calum just stared shock and sympathy written over his face, "Then why did you do it Luke, why'd you push him away?"

"Because I'm an idiot! Because I let those stupid guys get into to my head. They talked about marriage, and lifetime commitment and a family. And I choked up, I made myself believe that wasn't the life for me. But in reality I want it bad, but I only want it with Ashton," He sobs louder and falls to his knees, "But it's too late, I'll never get that back because I fucked up."

Calum rushes to side, comforting him. His heart aches for his best friend. He wishes he could fix it, he really does. But at this point he doesn't even know if he can, of anyone can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a brief sexual scene in this chapter during one of the flashbacks. Just a heads up if you don't wanna read it. It's very brief though

"I know you're not far but I still can't handle all the distance  
You're travelling with my heart  
I hope this is a temporary feeling  
'Cause it's too much to bear"  

Two months. It's been two months since Luke and Ashton broke up. Luke is getting better. The day after the talk with Calum he went back to work, his boss thankfully didn't fire him after missing three days. He recently got promoted to manager, which is great because he needed the extra money. He's been hanging out with Calum more and everything is almost good again. Almost.

He still didn't have Ashton, he doesn't even know what he's up to. He misses him more and more everyday. He spends too much time looking over all the photos and videos they shared together. Thinking of all the memories they shared. He misses him. He needs him.

He tells this to Calum one day when they were sitting on Luke's couch, just drinking beers and catching up. Calum looks guilty all of a sudden, which confuses Luke.

Calum sighs and turns to Luke, "Oh, Luke. I'm really sorry I wanted to tell you sooner but..." he trails off.

"Tell me what? What's going on?" Luke grows more and more confused by the second.

Calum sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, "It's about Ash," Luke's eyes widen but Calum continues, "He's not hurt or anything, don't worry. He's just- he's been staying with me and Mikey ever since the break up."

Luke backs away. He doesn't know what to feel. Should he be relieved that Ashton is alright, safe even. Or should he feel betrayed that his own best friend didn't tell him that the guy he is in love with lives 15 minutes away? He could have talked to him, done something, anything.

"W-Why did you keep this from me, Cal," Luke ask timidly, still not looking at him, "You knew how much I missed him, knew how much I needed him. How could you?"

Calum looks down at his lap, "I couldn't Luke," Luke looked at him in confusion so he continued, "You weren't the only one hurting. Ashton was too and he just couldn't see you Luke. He told both of us not to tell you were he was."

Luke sighs and leans back on the couch, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath trying not to cry. He knows what he wants to do. He wants to get in his car and race to Ashton, tell him how much he loves and misses him. But would he even listen? Would he even care?

Calum watches the tears slowly run down Luke's face and he sighs, "Listen Luke, I know you and Ash loved eachother at some point," pausing when Luke mutters something about them still loving eachother, he sighs again, "Yes but, you hurt him, you hurt him bad. If Mikey isn't even ready to see you, how do you think Ash feels? Huh?"

Luke blinks tears aways and can't help but actually let Calum's word sink in. He's right, of course. Luke screwed up, and he can't just barge into Ashton's life as he's healing just because of his selfishness. So he settles for, "How's he doing?"

Calum gives him a small smile, "He's getting better, just like you. He's thinking of going back to school soon, which is great considering he's talked about it for years."

Luke pauses. 

He winces as all the memories float back to him.

**

They were laying on the couch, Luke hovering over Ashton as he kissed down his neck, leaving marks in his path. 

Ashton bit his lip to contain his whimpers, "Hey L-Luke, ah, um I know this isn't the right time to say this but-- oh god." Ashton moaned as Luke grinded their crotches together.

"You're right babe, this isn't the time to talk. So don't." He said, not even looking up from his attack on Ashton's neck.

**

That was the first time. The next time was even worse.

**  
Ashton came in the house, smile bright. Luke ignored him and continued his intense game of FIFA with Calum, Calum yelling a quick 'hey Ash'. Ashton skips over to the couch and sits next to Luke.

"Luke! Luke guess what!" Ashton practically shouts.

Luke winces and scoots futher away from Ashton. "What do you want, I'm busy." Ashton frowns and Calum gives Luke a quick sideglance.

"We can pause the game if you need us too, Ash." Calum suggest.

"No! I'm gonna beat your ass, keep it going. Ash, what do you want?" Luke says, still not taking his eyes off the screen.

Ashton flinches, "W-Well I was talking to my mom on the way home. We were talking about me going back to Uni." he pauses, a smile slowly creeping on his face again. "I'm gonna do it Luke. I'm going back to school. Isn't that great?"

Luke scoffs, "Yeah great, whatever." And shouts with joy as he beats Calum. He turns to him, but then notices the small frown on his face. "What? Are you mad you lost?" He finishes with a laugh.

Calum scowls at Luke, then gives Ashton  a sympathetic look. Ashton nods to say he fine, and Calum gets up to gather his things, "I think it's time for me to get going." He says as he's putting on his coat.

Luke whines loudly, "Aw come on man, just one more game!" 

Calum sighs and shakes his head, " I gotta get home, Mikey's waiting for me." He waves bye to them both and leaves the home.

"So Luke-" Ashton starts but gets cut off by Luke starting another loud game. He sighs and gives up, leaving the couch and going upstairs.

**

"Luke? Luke, man are you good?" 

Luke comes back to his senses and swats away Calum's hand that's in his face. "Yeah man, I'm good. But I think I just wanna be alone right now, is that okay?"

Calum gives a little frown but sighs, "Yeah it's cool. I needed to head home anyways, I'll see ya' later, yeah?" Calum says standing up to leave and Luke nods distractedly. Calum sighs again and leaves out the front door.

And Luke is alone. Again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter :)

"He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing  
And it's taking me a lot to say  
But now that he's gone, my heart is missing something  
So it's time I push my pride away"

It's been a year. A year since the breakup. A year since Ashton walked out the door and left Luke for good. Luke is doing alright, he has gotten over the breakup pretty well. But he still misses him. He hasn't talked to Ashton at all since the breakup, only living off of the small details Calum gives him.

Ashton is in school again, and Luke's proud. He has his own apartment now, the location is unknown to Luke because Calum thought it'd be best to keep that information from him. He's happy, he's happy and moving on with his life. Luke doesn't know how to feel about it considering the pain of the breakup is still there, not as bad as it once was, but still there. He sometimes wonders if Ashton thinks of him, he wonders if Ashton ever cries when he recalls all of their moments together. He wonders if Ashton's bed feels as cold and lonely as his. 

Despite that, Luke is content with life at the moment. He's making good money from his manager position at his job and is even considering using the money he made moving into a new place, a place with less memories, a new start. His relationship with Calum is back to normal and Michael has finally forgiven him and is talking to him again. 

So yeah, life is good and he's enjoying it as best he can. He just wishes he can see Ashton again, talk to him, apologize. He misses him dearly and as much as he knows he doesn't deserve a second chance, he hopes for one, hopes that he will find Ashton again one day and they'll be back to normal. They'll be in love and living together once again. Luke just wants the love of his life back.  
\--  
"Has he asked about me?" Luke asked quietly, staring down at his lap.

He was hanging with Calum and Michael, just a weekly catch up. He has been thinking of and missing Ashton a lot recently. He wanted to see him and tell him how much he misses him and how sorry he is. Wants to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, even though he knows he doesn't deserve it.

Calum and Michael are silent for a while. Luke can just imagine the looks of sympathy on their faces.

Luke is surprised when Calum answers though, "Yeah Luke, he did." he says with a sigh.

Luke perks up and hesitantly asks, "Really? Does he- do you think he misses me?"

Michael groans, "Of course he missed you idiot you were the love of his life, how can he not?" Calum winces and Luke frowns in realization.

Missed? Was the love of his life? As in past tense?

"So you're telling me that he doesn't love me anymore?" His eyes start to sting, he doesn't know why he's crying. He should have known. It's been a year, of course Ashton would move on. But it still hurts, hurts knowing that he's the only one still in pain over the separation. He was stupid to think that he could ever have Ashton back, that Ashton would ever continue to love him after the pain Luke put him through.  
Calum stared at Luke with a worried look, "Luke, man, we thought you were over this. We thought you got over Ashton." 

Luke finally let the tears fall. Got over him? Ashton took up most of his thoughts, how could he possibly forget about him.

Luke cried, "I- I can't stop thinking of him Cal. I miss him and I-" Luke voice was cut off by his own pitiful sob "I love him, I still love him, and honestly I feel like I will always love him." He felt arms wrap around his waist and a head rest on his shoulder, it was Michael.

"I'm so sorry Luke, I'm sorry I said it like that I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm so sorry." He holds him tighter. He lets Luke cry in arms for what seems to be forever. Calum joins in and rubs Luke backs, whispering encouragement.

A few minutes later, Calum sighs and says, "Listen Luke, I think... I think it would be best if you just try to forget Ash or at least learn to live with without him." he gets up to grab his and Michael's things, getting ready to leave.

"I need to see him, I need to tell him how sorry I am and how much I miss him," Luke whispers, head rested in his hands.  
Michael scratched at his neck awkwardly and Calum looks away, biting his lip anxiously, "I don't think that's a thing that can happen Luke. Ashton's happy. Finally happy. You need to respect that and finally move on." 

He has a point. Luke knows that. He messed up, he doesn't deserve a second chance. He doesn't even think he'd even get one to be honest. But he's got to at least try. Right?

"We just want to see you happy again Luke...please." Michael says in a soft voice, rubbing his shoulder gently. Luke says nothing. Michael and Calum sigh sadly then walk out the door.

And Luke is alone. Once again.  
\--  
It's two days later when there's a knock at his door. And he confused at first, Calum usually calls to let him know he'll be over. And Luke doesn't really have any other friends that visit him so he doesn't know who it could be. Maybe Calum just forgot something and came to pick it up.

Luke hurries to the the door and opens it.

And he stops breathing.

It's Ashton. Ashton is standing in front of him and Luke is pretty sure he's going crazy.

"A-Ashton?" he questions, he wants to reach out and touch. To make sure he's not dreaming.

"Hey Luke," Ashton says awkwardly, "Can I come in? So we can talk?"

"Yes! I mean yeah sure, come on in." Luke says opening the door wider and giving Ashton space to walk in.

Ashton takes his time to look around the apartment, running his fingers gently over everything and then he finally takes a seat and pats the cushion next to him, signalling Luke over. Luke rushes over and nervously sits next to Ashton. They sit in silence for a few, long, seconds before Ashton speaks up.

“So, how have you been?” He asks quietly. He sounds just as nervous as Luke feels, but that impossible, right?

“Good Ash, I’ve been good,” Looking at Ashton, not wanting to look away just in case this turns out to be some cruel dream,”What about you? How are you?” 

Ashton bites his lip nervously, “Yeah I’m- I’m great Luke.” And he smiles,smiles that beautiful sunshine smile that look swore he’d never be able to see again. Luke smiles back.

They talk for what seems to be hours, catching up, sharing stories, laughing. But they’re both ignoring the elephant in the room and Luke knows it and he wants so badly to tell Ashton how much he’s missed him, that he’s been waiting so very long to see him, hear his voice. 

The room goes quiet, the small smiles still etched on their faces. But Luke, unable to handle it anymore, grabs Ashton’s hand and looks at him seriously. Ashton tenses and gasps.

“Ashton, there is so much I wanna tell you,” he says, and he can already feel his eyes start to sting,”This year hasn't been all that great, I’ve missed you so damn much and you don’t understand how much this means to me, you being here right now, it means the world to me.” Luke looks down at their hands and sighs.

Ashton smiles sadly, “Luke I --”

But Luke interrupts him, “Cal told me that you moved on, that you’re happy and that I should move on and be happy but I can’t do that until I tell you how much I’m sorry. And I am truly sorry Ashton, you didn’t deserve to be in that situation,” Luke can feel tears fall from his eyes as he speaks, “I wanted so badly to run to wherever you were and get on my knees and beg for forgiveness even though I knew I didn’t deserve it. But now that you’re here I want to just let you know. Ashton I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

It’s quiet for a while, silence only filled with Luke’s sniffles.

Ashton sigh and cups Luke’s face gently. He smiles at him and wipes the tears off of Luke’s cheeks and smiles sweetly at him, “Luke, I forgave you a long time ago.”

Luke mouth opens and eyes widen in shock, “W-What? What do you mean?” 

Ashton lets out a little laugh,”Did you honestly think you were the only one getting info from Cal,” he says with a soft smile, “He told me everything Luke. I’ve missed you just as much as you missed me, maybe even more.” 

Luke starred at Ashton. All these emotions going through him at once and he doesn’t really think it through when he pulls Ashton into a kiss. Their lips moved together softly. But then Ashton tenses and pulls away gently, he rests his head on Luke’s shoulder and Luke, confused, lays his hand on the back of Ashton’s head. 

Ashton pulls back, tears in his eyes, “Luke I missed you so much… but I moved on. Luke you need to understand, I have a new life, I’m in school and I have a new place and job--”

Luke cuts him off, “And I understand that and I’m happy for you, I am. A-And I know it’s too much to ask but I wanna start over, start us over. I wanna be with you and I know it’s too much ask Ash but I love you so--” He gets cut off by Ashton’s hand on his mouth and he frowns.

Ashton has tears in his and he’s biting his lips anxiously, “I’m seeing someone else Luke.” 

And Luke feels his heart tear in two.

Ashton’s seeing someone. He’s not interested in Luke. That kiss meant nothing to him. Luke cries harder.

Ashton shushes him and hold him close, so close. He doesn’t let go even when Luke’s sobs have turned into light sniffles.

He kisses Luke’s head softly, “Lukey you’re one of the most important people to me. Despite our past Luke, you’re still my best friend,” he whispers softly, “I want you in my life, I do, but just as my best friend. We can’t go back down that road again Luke, you’re sorry and I know you are but maybe...maybe we were meant to just be friends.” He said it softly but with a serious look on his face. 

Luke’s heart clenched. He loves Ashton. And he wants him, really wants him but if Ashton wants them to just stays friends, who is he to deny him? He just wants Ashton to be happy. He wants himself to be happy.  
Luke nods wearily, “Okay Ash, okay. I can be your best friend, just your best friend.”

Ashton smiles wide and Luke can’t help but smile back.  
\--  
Three months after Ashton’s visit and life is going great. He has all his best friends back and he’s happy. He was finally able to move into his new house and he spent more time with his best friends. Everything is back to normal.

Well sort of.

Ashton introduced Luke to the guy he’s dating. Grey is his name, he’s pretty good looking. He’s about the same size as Luke, brown haired pinned up in a bun, hazel eyes, and tan skin. Their first few meetings were awkward but that was expected considering Ashton and Luke’s past. But they got over it soon after when they realised how much they both have in common and they soon became friends.

So life is good. Real good.

But Luke can’t help but feel as if something's missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally finished !! let me know what you think in the comments !  
> I also have decide to add a bonus chapter PLUS a sequel ! stay tuned for that :)


	6. alternate ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was how the story was going to end at first but I got the idea for the sequel so.....YEAH! I hope you enjoy this guys because I know all of you probably really wanted this to happen instead! warning: slight /horrible/ smut ahead

"'Cause you are  
You are  
You are my everything" 

 

It's two days later when there's a knock at his door. And he confused at first, Calum usually calls to let him know he'll be over. And Luke doesn't really have any other friends that visit him so he doesn't know who it could be. Maybe Calum just forgot something and came to pick it up.

Luke hurries to the the door and opens it.

And he stops breathing.

It's Ashton. Ashton is standing in front of him and Luke is pretty sure he's going crazy.

"A-Ashton?" he questions, he wants to reach out and touch. To make sure he's not dreaming.

"Hey Luke," Ashton says awkwardly, "Can I come in? So we can talk?"

"Yes! I mean, yeah sure, come on in." Luke says opening the door wider and giving Ashton space to walk in.

Ashton takes his time to look around the apartment, running his fingers gently over everything and then he finally takes a seat and pats the cushion next to him, signalling Luke over. Luke rushes over and nervously sits next to Ashton. They sit in silence for a few, long, seconds before Ashton speaks up.

"So, how have you been?" He asks quietly. He sounds just as nervous as Luke feels, but that impossible, right?

"Good Ash, I've been good," Looking at Ashton, not wanting to look away just in case this turns out to be some cruel dream,"What about you? How are you?"

Ashton bites his lip nervously, "Yeah I'm- I'm great Luke." And he smiles,smiles that beautiful sunshine smile that look swore he'd never be able to see again. Luke smiles back.

They talk for what seems to be hours, catching up, sharing stories, laughing. But they're both ignoring the elephant in the room and Luke knows it and he wants so badly to tell Ashton how much he's missed him, that he's been waiting so very long to see him, hear his voice.

The room goes quiet, the small smiles still etched on their faces. But Luke, unable to handle it anymore, grabs Ashton's hand and looks at him seriously. Ashton tenses and gasps.

"Ashton, we need to talk"

"We are talking."

Luke groans, "You know what I mean Ashton, please?"

Ashton sighs and stands up. Luke fears that he might leave but Ashton just paces around the living room. He sighs and kneels in front of Luke, putting his hands on his knees. "Listen Luke, I talked to Mikey. He told me everything. The real reason I came here was to, like, give you closure"

Luke's face remains blank, "Closure."

Ashton bites his lip nervously and stands up, "Yes, closure. This isn't healthy. Your life is going so well. You need to let go of this idea you have of us getting back together. I don't wanna sound rude Luke but it's not gonna happen."

Luke scoffs and looks away. He can't believe this. He can't believe Ashton.

"You came all this way to tell me that. Really? You don't think I know that Ashton? That I haven't already had that realization? If that's all you wanted you could leave. Like now." Luke stands up, nearly knocking Ashton over, and walks to the other side of the room. He can't even look at Ashton. 

Ashton frowns, "Luke I was just trying to-" but he gets cut off by an angry looking Luke.

"You were trying to tell me that I should just forget the years we were together. Years Ashton. You think it's easy to get over that? Ashton I loved you, fuck, I still love you. You can't expect me to get over that, over you. I get it I was an asshole, which made it easier for you but you need to understand what it's like for me." He facing Ashton now, so he's taken aback when he sees Ashton's eyes fill with rage.

"Easy?" he yells, and Luke can't remember a time he's seen Ashton this angry. "Easy? You thought this was fucking easy for me? To have to leave the man that I fucking loved because he was to damn stupid to realize a good thing when he had it? Do you think it was easy for me to have to leave my home? And cry every fucking night and blame myself thinking if I was a better boyfriend then maybe, just maybe, we would still be together." Ashton pauses, chest heaving and tears are threatening to fall out of his eyes.

Luke instantly regrets what he said, "Ashton I-"

Ashton cut him off, a fierce look in his eye,"No, it's my turn to talk. You were right though, you were an asshole. And I know now that there was nothing I could have done to change that. You say you loved me. Ha, you sure did have a funny way of showing it Luke. I don't need to understand your side of the fucking story. You hurt me Luke, it's not the other way around." 

Tears begin to fall and Luke just stands there, not knowing what to say. Ashton was right, of course. What Luke said was selfish. He put Ashton through so damn much.

"I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake." He says and starts to pack up his things.

And Luke can't just let him leave like that, "A mistake for who, Ash? I've been waiting forever to see you and now that you're here I just- I'm just so glad to see you." Ashton looks at Luke with nervous eyes, but Luke just continues, stepping closer," I was an asshole, but I loved you. I was dumb as hell. I let you believe that I didn't care about you, when in reality I loved you so damn much Ash. This past year has been terrible. I've missed you. If you leave now. I know I'll just miss you more." He wraps his arms around Ashton and, to his surprise, Ashton doesn't resist. Ashton rests his head on Luke's shoulder.

Luke sighs and holds him tighter, "I need you here. In my arms, in my life. I just need you Ashton," he pulls away a little and takes Ashton's face into his hands, "I'm so sorry Ash, I know a simple sorry won't be enough. But I am. And if you let me, I'll spend every moment with you reminding you just how sorry I am, and just how much I love you. Ashton, please."

Ashton stares at him, and for a second Luke thinks he might run away, But Ashton surprises him once again that day.

He kisses him.

He kisses him with so much passion and Luke kisses him back with just as much. Their lips slide together softly. And it feels so good. Luke has missed Ashton, his lips, the way he feels in his arms, he missed this. Luke bit at Ashton's lip softly, causing Ashton gasp and Luke didn't hesitate to slip his tongue into Ashton's mouth. Luke walked them backwards towards couch, without pulling away he sits and pulls Ashton onto his lap. Luke pushes his hands underneath Ashton's shirt, massaging the skin underneath. 

Ashton grabs and handful of Luke's hair and whimpers, slowly grinding in Luke's lap. They part to catch their breaths, and Luke uses that time to place hot kisses down Ashton's neck. Sucking marks into his golden skin as Ashton starts to grind down faster in Luke's lap. Luke leans back, admiring Ashton. He head is tilted back and he's making this desperate noises, Luke has a feeling Ashton has missed this just as much as he did. Luke grabs his waist tighter and he rolls his up to meet Ashton's, and they both sigh in relief as their crotches meet. Ashton leans back in and connects their lips back together in a bruising kiss. Their movements speed up and Ashton breaths start coming out more labored, signalling he's close. Luke pulls him in tighter and grinds into him harder. Ashton lays his heads on Luke's shoulder and lets out a groan as he comes, Luke following shortly after.

They sit there for a minute, coming down from their highs. But then, Ashton tenses and quickly removes himself from Luke's lap.

Luke frowns at him, "Ash-"

"I have to go, I shouldn't- we shouldn't have done that, oh my god," He scrambles to get all of his stuff and starts to quickly walk to the door, Luke hurries to follow after him, "I just came here to talk, god what's wrong with me."

Luke grabs onto his wrist before he can open the door, " Ash no-- that wasn't-- Ashton please stop and just listen to me please." Ashton stops trying to wriggle away but he continues to face the door, not looking at Luke. "Ashton listen to me, I love you. You don't have to be scared, we can talk this out. Please don't leave"

Ashton sighs and slowly turns around, he steps towards Luke and hugs him tightly. When he pulls away, his eyes are wet with unshed tears, "I have to go" he whispers and turns back around and walks away quickly out the door, shutting it softly.

Luke just stands there, watching him leave, tears already starting to form. He slowly walks back towards the couch, lies down. He lays there for hours, crying, wishing Ashton would come back.

\-------

 

Three days after the incident, Ashton shows up again. He standing in front of Luke, biting his lip nervously. Luke sighs and wordlessly lets him in. He's glad he's back, but he's scared Ashton will tell him he can't be with him, no matter what happened between them.

Once they're inside, Ashton speaks,"The first thing I want to say is sorry. I shouldn't have just left like that. It was a horrible thing to do, I'm so sorry Luke," he says, looking straight into Luke's eyes, "I also wanted to explain to you why I left."

Luke shakes his head, "Ashton, you don't have to explain, I get it-"

"Luke, I love you"

Luke's eyes widen, he open and closes his mouth repeatedly. He doesn't know what to say.

Ashton saves him though, " I love you...and I'm scared Luke. If we do this again you can't hurt me like that again Luke. Ever. I promise you you'll never see or hear from me ever again. But I need you in my life Luke...you're the love of my life and I don't know if I'll be able to love someone as much as I loved you."

Luke stands up straight,"Wait here. I have something for you." he says. He runs up the stairs. When he comes down a few minutes later. Ashton is sitting on the couch, looking nervous. Luke sits next to him, showing him the object.

Ashton gasps,"Oh my god...Luke"

In Luke's hand sits a ring.

"I.. I bought the ring two years ago. A couple of days before our third anniversary. I was gonna propose. I had it all planned but I chickened out. And then i treated you so horrible. I was a coward then. But I'm not anymore," Luke holds onto the ring tightly, "This isn't a proposal. You deserve something special, and when we get to that point, I'll make sure that moment is oe you'll never forget." He slides the ring onto Ashton's finger and holds onto his hands tightly.

He wipes away the tears falling down Ashton's face, "For now, this is a promise. A promise that I would never hurt you ever again. I promise that I will love you and treat you the way you deserve from this point on. Ashton, I love you, so damn much. I promise to make sure you never forget it."

He pulls Ashton closer and connects their lips, sealing the promise. Ashton places his arms around Luke's neck. They kiss deeply, wrapped in eachothers arms.

Ashton pulls always, "I love you Luke. Forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked :0 leave your opinions !!


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